Your Happy Place

Your mind wanders as the night comes to a close. Your newly painted walls white as snow. A toothbrush in your mouth. Brush a little more and then write a little. Your mind takes you back to a memory. A memory talked about today. You tell her to finish the sentence.

"Remember that night..."

She continues: When we stayed late at work...
You: And time seemed to slow down.
Her: And all that mattered was us.
You: And when you looked at me I found myself falling deeper for you.
Her: And I found the safest place which was in your arms.
You: And I didn't want to let go, cause I knew if I did I would be longing for such an embrace.
Her: And eventually we would just to come back together.
You: 'Cause nothing can separate true love. And that love will last forever and always.
Her: And forever is worth it when it comes to us.
You: And nothing can separate us. Not even distance or time.
Her: And those stolen moments together help close the gap.
You: And through the storms of life, we learn everyday how to take them with faith and devotion to each other and God.
Her: Because even though we are separated physically, our spirits are stilled entertwined.

Pause. Take a breath. Think deeper into that moment. Much has been said concerning it. Pause. Take another breath. This time a little deeper. Feel her arms wrap around your waist and into a warm hug. Rest your chin on her head. OK now let that memory just sit there. That is your happy place.

Boom! Back into reality. Your companion sitting across the room. Now your mind taking you to Africa. Now to South Carolina. Now home. What is your head doing? Depression and anxiety fill your body. Pause.

...There...

Now relax. Your body is just getting tired. You're OK. Thinking about her helps all that depression and anxiety to subside. There... Close your eyes... Take a deep breath... You're going to be OK. Her words come into your head. "I love you".

Reposition for comfort. And continue writing.

Your words coming to an end.

Your mind wanders as the night comes to a close. Your newly painted walls white as snow. Toothbrush is out of your mouth now. Your mind takes you back to a memory. The memory of your happy place.

An Answer to prayers-Journal Entry March 14, 17

March 14 2017

Today I received an email from Maren. The Love of my life. She informed me that she wanted to give me space but still felt like emailing me. So in her email she talked about how she was sorry for doubting. And that she thinks the reason why I brought up possibly breaking up to allow her to get out more. She then told me that she has been feeling some opposition but has been praying about us. And during her FHE she received this answer:

"No no no don’t break up this is a moment that you too need to have to learn from to see the commitment that you have to each other. The tribulations we have are but a small moment in our lives and we can’t let it bog us down. This is a moment for us to learn more about each other and learn how to communicate. Trust me, remember what I’ve taught you in the past, but don’t end things between you two. That is not the path i want the two of you to take. Turn to each other and continue to turn me it will all be ok" (I wrote it all in my phone as it was coming to me so thats why the fonts weird"

Well I first was like well why has she received an answer so soon? And why not me? So I didn't know what do too. So I was sitting in the shower, I know a weird place, but I was just questioning God and was kinda feeling down about it because I hadn't got an answer. Well as I was sitting there. I looked on the wall is a scripture. And the scripture was found in 2nd Timothy verse 7, which reads a For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. What power peace came over my heart.

And then this song came on my Playlist.."He believes in You" by Gabrielle McKeon

The sound of your heart beat deep in your chest is proof enough that your worth has no end cause somebody made you and he wants you to know though it's been hard and you've come so far you can be so much more.

Chorus: He believes in you. Your future is bright. Cause he knows you'll do great things with your life. Hell take your hope and dreams and multiply them by two. Cause he believes, he believes in you.

You know what you want, and you think you know best. You plan out your life and take a couple steps. But when it's not working, you want to turn back. But you'll see firsthand that he has something planned. So much bigger then that.

Chorus

So having two witnesses that my life has been planned a d that I have been given the spirit of love and of a sound mind. I can officially say that God really does answer prayers. And that I now without doubt need Maren in my life. And I don't want her to go anywhere. We need to stay together cause we are meant to be something more. So much more then we can imagine. We both just need to carry out strong until the end.

March 6th midnight thoughts

When late nights become the norm because you can't sleep.
Maybe you're afraid to sleep because of the nightmares.
Maybe you're afraid to sleep cause you will never wake up.
Maybe you're afraid to sleep cause when you wake up you have to deal with the same pain over again. The pain of missing her.
But at the same time you hope when you eventually do fall asleep that the one you dream of is her.

So many miles away from her may in fact bring you closer.
Distance never has been a problem until you left her.
You may not be the only one that feels like your trapped in a cell.
You may not be the only one to just blast music to try to fall asleep.
When you wish you could just be with her all the time.

The darkness seems to be on your heels.
Opening your eyes seem to get harder at times.
When you look at the night sky but it's not enough.
You try to fight but you are just not strong enough.
You just want her here with you but you just feel alone.

You dont know what you are feeling.
Heaven on earth when you are with her.
The darkness is just chasing you down.
Your legs are just getting tired of running.
It's super easy to just give up, cause you can't find your way.

You don't even know what the song is supposed to be about anymore.
Pleading to not let it get it to you.
The darkness is just seeping through the seams.
You want to be different but you know you can't do it without her.
You body yearning for the one you love.

You imagine her sitting in Paris.
Her hair pulled back.
Her make up on.
Her hand in yours.

You just want to be with her to loose tract of time.
Life just wants to take it all way from you.
You may just be on the brink of insanity.
Shutting the world out, you take a step back.

Part of you was hers when you left.
Would you be able to get that back when you come back.
Part of you becoming a little stronger.
It may hurt when you fall, but you will fight.

The only reason why the road is long,
Cause it takes some time to become good and strong.
Hold on tight a little longer,
What is going to kill ya is going to make you stronger.

She is the light in the dark.
She is the wheels on the tract.
She is all heart no attack.
She is mine forever.

The more you take the less you have.
But she is always more then that.
Be the one that she needs.
Not the one she doesnt.

You were on a plane to out east.
Leaving her behind in the west.
There's others that have lead you like a northern star to her.
And you always wanted a southern girl anyways.

When you sing, she is the song you sing.
Sometimes it feels like there's a storm coming.
But she is the shelter to that storm.
You may need her for those moments of weakness.

She tells you that she loves you.
You know she does.
Just make a wish and blow out the candles.
You love her forever and always!

The True Love Story

You never know when or where you are going to meet your true love. There has been countless examples of true love throughout history. And deep down I just wanted to find it. The fact is, true love can be incredible. It is real and it can happen. Let's just say a real man never stops trying to show a girl how much she means to him, even after he has her. True love happens when she becomes more to you then you mean to yourself. True love happens when you not only want to be the sunshine of her life, but also when you want to be her moonlight, so that you can shine for her even in her darkest of times. True love happens when that moment she slips into your arms you are the closest to heaven you have ever been. True love happens when her lips touch yours; you know that you could maybe live to be 100, or visit every country, but nothing can compare to that moment when just enough sparks fly to tell you that this love would last forever. True love happens when you guys talk she not only completes you, but compliments you. True love happens when you know that you could not take one more step into the unknown future without her. Sometimes you just can't tell anyone how you feel about them, not because you don't know why, not because you don't trust this person, but because you know that you don't have the right words to help them understand. Understand the full spectrum. True love can often be like rocket science. And other times it can be the best thing that has ever happened to you. True love does not disappoint. True love isn't this sudden on set of feelings, but most definitely is ongoing process that unites oneself to another. I never could imagine what my world would be like if I didn't find what true love really is.

I guess it just all started when I broke my ankle in Africa. And you're probably wondering how breaking your ankle in Africa is connect to true love. Well let me tell you, they are in my love story. After breaking my ankle I came back home to America and found myself in a tough situation. I knew I needed to get a job so I wasn't sitting around the house. I wasn't really seeking one out. But when I ended up taking my sister and her friend to a burger place, well my life would change. I started working and that's when I met her. Honestly I was a little desperate at first, but I came to realize that something deep inside me was becoming attracted to her. And slowly she reeled me in. The night I realized I loved her was something else. I wish I could describe the feeling I felt but it's hard to put into words so that you may understand it. I guess that could be the rocket science part I'm talking about. That night I completely forgot about myself and she became more to me. The way she makes me feel is beyond anything I can explain. The future looks unknown to me, and I could not imagine a world without her. Sparks flew when we had our first kiss; Just the right amount to tell me that it would last forever. She is my sunshine and moonlight. She is my lighthouse. She is everything to me. She not only completes me but compliments me. I love her for her! We are not perfect. But together we will become perfect. That night she became everything to me, well the future became brighter. My life became happier. That is what True love feels like.

So True love is real. True love can happen. Go out and find that for yourself.

The Cowboy Life

The Fog is thick and the air is cold
My hearts all in so I've been told.
As I looked across that damp field,
The world all stops and my fingers chilled.

The smell of cows go up my nose.
But with my boots I cover my toes.
The cowboy life is just right here.
We have no fault we have no fear.

So open that pen, that cowboy said.
And before you know it you'll be in fed.
The bulls race out as you push em through.
Doesn't it feel great to be part of the crew.

Open that gate so they say.
It seems it's almost done the day.
A longs days work I'm tired now.
Off to the barn still smell like a cow.

Back home, now I'm done.
A long days work is always fun.
So you want to be a cowboy you say.
Just know you will have to work every day.

It's not easy to work this hard.
But you somehow just disregard,
All the fatigue and all the pain.
But know that it's not all in vain.

Being a cowboy is always worth it.
Just saddle up and show your grit.
It will all work out you'll kind the key.
Be the best that you can be.