An Answer to prayers-Journal Entry March 14, 17

March 14 2017

Today I received an email from Maren. The Love of my life. She informed me that she wanted to give me space but still felt like emailing me. So in her email she talked about how she was sorry for doubting. And that she thinks the reason why I brought up possibly breaking up to allow her to get out more. She then told me that she has been feeling some opposition but has been praying about us. And during her FHE she received this answer:

"No no no don’t break up this is a moment that you too need to have to learn from to see the commitment that you have to each other. The tribulations we have are but a small moment in our lives and we can’t let it bog us down. This is a moment for us to learn more about each other and learn how to communicate. Trust me, remember what I’ve taught you in the past, but don’t end things between you two. That is not the path i want the two of you to take. Turn to each other and continue to turn me it will all be ok" (I wrote it all in my phone as it was coming to me so thats why the fonts weird"

Well I first was like well why has she received an answer so soon? And why not me? So I didn't know what do too. So I was sitting in the shower, I know a weird place, but I was just questioning God and was kinda feeling down about it because I hadn't got an answer. Well as I was sitting there. I looked on the wall is a scripture. And the scripture was found in 2nd Timothy verse 7, which reads a For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. What power peace came over my heart.

And then this song came on my Playlist.."He believes in You" by Gabrielle McKeon

The sound of your heart beat deep in your chest is proof enough that your worth has no end cause somebody made you and he wants you to know though it's been hard and you've come so far you can be so much more.

Chorus: He believes in you. Your future is bright. Cause he knows you'll do great things with your life. Hell take your hope and dreams and multiply them by two. Cause he believes, he believes in you.

You know what you want, and you think you know best. You plan out your life and take a couple steps. But when it's not working, you want to turn back. But you'll see firsthand that he has something planned. So much bigger then that.

Chorus

So having two witnesses that my life has been planned a d that I have been given the spirit of love and of a sound mind. I can officially say that God really does answer prayers. And that I now without doubt need Maren in my life. And I don't want her to go anywhere. We need to stay together cause we are meant to be something more. So much more then we can imagine. We both just need to carry out strong until the end.

March 6th midnight thoughts

When late nights become the norm because you can't sleep.
Maybe you're afraid to sleep because of the nightmares.
Maybe you're afraid to sleep cause you will never wake up.
Maybe you're afraid to sleep cause when you wake up you have to deal with the same pain over again. The pain of missing her.
But at the same time you hope when you eventually do fall asleep that the one you dream of is her.

So many miles away from her may in fact bring you closer.
Distance never has been a problem until you left her.
You may not be the only one that feels like your trapped in a cell.
You may not be the only one to just blast music to try to fall asleep.
When you wish you could just be with her all the time.

The darkness seems to be on your heels.
Opening your eyes seem to get harder at times.
When you look at the night sky but it's not enough.
You try to fight but you are just not strong enough.
You just want her here with you but you just feel alone.

You dont know what you are feeling.
Heaven on earth when you are with her.
The darkness is just chasing you down.
Your legs are just getting tired of running.
It's super easy to just give up, cause you can't find your way.

You don't even know what the song is supposed to be about anymore.
Pleading to not let it get it to you.
The darkness is just seeping through the seams.
You want to be different but you know you can't do it without her.
You body yearning for the one you love.

You imagine her sitting in Paris.
Her hair pulled back.
Her make up on.
Her hand in yours.

You just want to be with her to loose tract of time.
Life just wants to take it all way from you.
You may just be on the brink of insanity.
Shutting the world out, you take a step back.

Part of you was hers when you left.
Would you be able to get that back when you come back.
Part of you becoming a little stronger.
It may hurt when you fall, but you will fight.

The only reason why the road is long,
Cause it takes some time to become good and strong.
Hold on tight a little longer,
What is going to kill ya is going to make you stronger.

She is the light in the dark.
She is the wheels on the tract.
She is all heart no attack.
She is mine forever.

The more you take the less you have.
But she is always more then that.
Be the one that she needs.
Not the one she doesnt.

You were on a plane to out east.
Leaving her behind in the west.
There's others that have lead you like a northern star to her.
And you always wanted a southern girl anyways.

When you sing, she is the song you sing.
Sometimes it feels like there's a storm coming.
But she is the shelter to that storm.
You may need her for those moments of weakness.

She tells you that she loves you.
You know she does.
Just make a wish and blow out the candles.
You love her forever and always!